Health Notes, February 7th 2010, by Sarah Stacey

Single on Valentine's Day

Next Sunday, as many females will have clocked already, is St Valentine’s Day.  For those in happy settled relationships, the only issue is probably the nature of the card, flowers and choccies your everloving fetes you with (unless of course he has forgotten again).  But according to TV presenter Sarah Beeny, founder of the website mysinglefriend.com, ‘although a record number of people have now chosen to stay single, many others find the prospect of St Valentine’s day depressing because it highlights their lack of someone to share their life with’. 

The pressure invariably stems from believing that the road to happiness is only found in romantic love.  ‘But that’s simply not true,’ says Andrew Trees, New York-based author of Decoding Love, a recent book that analyses the science of attraction.  ‘Difficulties often arise from our enormous expectations of the romantic story line.  We dive into relationship after relationship and when they end in disappointment we rarely question our approach, we simply start a new search for love.’ 

In fact, virtually every study about happiness suggests that one of the most important elements is a rich circle of friends.  ‘The bonus is that friends are a great help with dating,’ says Trees.  ‘Research shows our friends often have a better idea of what type of person we should date than we do ourselves, and do a better job of predicting whether or not a relationship will last.  So don’t feel you’re missing out by spending time with friends, see it as a wise lifestyle choice,’ says Trees.   

Both sexes find ‘the big chat-up’ offputting.  One study found that far from flirting outrageously, a woman only needs to smile and make eye contact with a man several times to get him to approach her.  For men, a simple ‘hello’ is the most effective opener.  Actually, what it amounts to is just being nice, open and relaxed.  ‘You don’t have to be incredibly witty, try to impress, or meet some impossible ideal of sexuality – being a good listener and asking questions generally creates a good impression,’ advises Trees.  And if you feel your ‘being nice’ quotient could do with a bit of input, try volunteering.  ‘The benefits you get from giving to another person have been demonstrated so often that researchers dub it the helper’s high. As the Beatles had it, “the love you take is equal to the love you make”.’ 

If damaging patterns of thinking, often dating from childhood, result in anxieties so persistent they threaten to nuke a promising friendship, a friend recommends consulting a practitioner of Thought Field Therapy.  ‘It sounds bizarre but involves identifying problems from the past, tapping on various key energy points, and formulating your own affirmations and goals.  It shifted my whole perspective almost immediately in a way that nothing else has been able to do, and gave me tools to use if I had further problems.’   For information, www.thoughtfieldtherapy.co.uk 
 
If you’re feeling a bit wobbly about February 14th, Sarah Beeny suggests ‘don’t sit at home and wallow - have fun!  Organise supper with a group of friends, go out to a movie, to bowling or iceskating.  Don’t let it get you down.  Remember - you’re worth more than a Hallmark day.’ 

To order a copy of Decoding Love by Andrew Trees (Hay House) from Amazon, click here. 

Cure for Cold Sores

A reader writes: ‘having suffered severe cold sores virtually every month from the age of two until now – I am 42! – and trying every product under the sun, my life has changed since I discovered L-Lysine [an amino acid shown to help fight viruses].  I’ve not suffered one cold sore in the year I have been taking it.’  L-Lysine 500mg by Lamberts, £5.82 for 90 tablets, dose one to two daily.  From www.victoriahealth.com (with your exclusive 5% discount and free postage for online orders).

Hot Flushes and Night Sweats

Psychologists at Kings College London are recruiting women for research into the effectiveness of cognitive behavioural therapy for menopausal symptoms of hot flushes and night sweats. Strategies include stress management, paced breathing, identifying triggers and understanding the mechanism of the symptoms.  Both studies are for women with menopausal symptoms, one for well women, the other for women who’ve had treatment for breast cancer.  More information on www.iop.kcl.ac.uk.   If you’re interested and live within travelling distance of London, contact Melanie Smith 0207 188 9559 melanie.smith [at ] kcl.ac.uk, or Beverley Ayers on 02071889558/07722328638 beverley.ayers [at] kcl.ac.uk 
 

Website of the week: www.millionmums.org

Pregnancy and childbirth is the world’s biggest killer of women of childbearing age. Many deaths are easily preventable. For the 100th Anniversary of International Woman’s Day on 8th March 2010, the White Ribbon Alliance for Safe Motherhood is asking women across the world to support it by holding a dinner party for friends – details on this website.